Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Open letter to Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravensthal

Steeler Nation
Liberty, NC
September 29, 2009

Mayor Luke Steelerstahl
Deep in a Secure Bunker
Pittsburgh, PA 15xxx

Dear Mayor Steelersthal,

WOW! GREAT JOB, KIDDO! You really helped show the local population that PITTSBURGH IS A WINNER! A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE! Who doesn’t want to stay in a city overrun by NINJA TURTLES! You should sell riot cop action figures – seriously! It’ll be great for revenue!

AW MAN! I liked the part when that BIG ARMY TRUCK came out and that ROBOT VOICE came on and it was "WE REPRESENT THE IMPERIAL FORCE. YOU WILL BE ARRESTED. DON’T FUCK WITH US”. And then the protesters were like “Nah ah. We have a right to stand here. It’s in the Constitution yinz dumb jagoffs.” And then the ninja turles were all, PSHEW! PSHEW!! WOOWOOWOOWOO! And there goes the gas canisters PSSSSHHHSHSHHS! And kids are all coughing and trying to get away, but the ninja turtles were all “NAH AH” and start beating up women with batons and shit. TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

So I’d like to thank you personally for radicalizing (RADICAL!!!) hundreds and possibly thousands of residents and students in my hometown of Pittsburgh. Those Citizens of Pittsburgh who generally had a vague idea of the G20 being another way for the powers that be to screw us over, now clearly understand that not only does the G20 stand for economic violence on the bottom 99% of the world, but it stands for direct physical violence, NINJA TURTLES!!, theft and imprisonment and a total disregard for the law of the land, the US Constitution, to anyone who speaks out against it, or happens to reside in Pittsburgh and wants to get around their neighborhood or their campus or go to work and earn money. PSHEW! PSHEW!! BOOM!!!

(You see, working people don’t have piles of money they can live on and it means we have to work, like every day, and can’t just take two days off while the mayor shuts down the city to pimp it out to world leaders. But you don’t give a fuck anyway so why try to explain it.)

Direct violence from power in the form of NINJA TURTLES! is not something that a good segment our population here in the United States goes through, including white college kids, like you and me once were. If they only had a vague idea that the Iraq war or the war in Vietnam weren’t such good ideas, that all went out the window and the way the world really works becomes crystal clear when they get beaten on their own campus, hassled by POLICE NINJA TURTLES! wherever they go, or trapped in a stairwell by riot police and gassed. (Watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZT3O5m0Eis) GREAT LESSON MAYOR!! YOU SHOULD BAY A TEACHER DAHN CCAC!

In the Post-Gazette, you said ( I know, reading the newspaper is boring, but they have GARFIELD!):

"As a group, the police responded admirably," he said, pledging an internal evaluation of what went right and wrong on the streets during and shortly after the summit.

"We kept our city safe," he said while sending "a message to the out-of-town anarchists that this is our town."

What about the out-of-town police, who were far more violent than a couple of broken windows? Show me one cop with cuts and bruises from the protestors! You knew it was going to happen, that’s why you bought a $10 million insurance policy to protect against policy brutality and unlawful arrest lawsuits, just like the cities that hosted the political conventions. In fact I’m sure you consulted with the same people they did….PSHEW PSHEW!! ACTION! EXPLOSIONS! RIOTS!

And I wonder what that “evaluation” of yours is gonna turn up? I have a little evaluation of you Mayor Steelerstahl: Your goofy ass should be fired and thrown in a federal prison for violating the US Constitution. That won’t happen though because you’re still covered in semen from all the world leaders you fellated at the expense of the city.


Pittsburghers have never taken shit from power and if you think you have a problem with some young anarchists from out-a-tahn, you’re going to have a bigger problem from residents and students who are pissed off at you and can now see the little machine you run for exactly what it is – a whorehouse that pimps out Pittsburgh to the highest bidder.

Go Steelers,
-Brian Gallagher
Former Pittsburgh Citizen
Now member of Steeler Nation

(you can flood the Pittsburgh Police Tip Form with your complaints about police brutality that you've experienced, read about or seen on Youtube here: http://www.city.pittsburgh.pa.us/police/html/police_tip_form.html